How to lose sleep and earn yourself a shower in a utility sink

  1. Purchase a home, obviously. Try to balance planting a kitchen garden, painting, unpacking, two people working full-time and still making your marriage a priority.
  2. Notice that your tub seems to be draining a little slower every day.
  3. Ignore tub. For goodness sake, you have to also do everything I mentioned in #1. The tub will have to wait.
  4. Begin to notice that, by the time you finish showering, you’re in standing water over your ankles.
  5. Be thankful that you have dreadlocks and your husband has short hair, hence less hair clogging the tub. You can make it. Just a few more other projects and then you can fix the tub.
  6. Can 3 pints of banana peppers on a really, really hot night because they’re getting too far along to ignore. Do this while your husband goes for a run. Be sure that you allow the vinegar/sugar syrup to overflow and spill all over the stovetop.
  7. After your husband gets back from running, take note of the dismal tone of voice he uses when he goes to shower and notices that the water from the showers you took ten hours ago hasn’t yet drained. It’s probably a good idea for your husband not to shower at this point.
  8. Clean up canning mess and sweat profusely while husband attempts to snake the drain with a cheap hardware store snake.
  9. Cringe at the fact that you hear him snake the drain, run the water, and snake the drain again.
  10. Cringe because he repeats this several times with no results.
  11. Timidly offer to go out and buy Drano, even though you hate the thought of pouring that stuff back into your water supply. This is dire. You have no choice.
  12. Allow husband to go out and buy Drano himself because he’s on the verge of losing his mind.
  13. Wash the dishes while he’s gone so that you don’t feel totally helpless.
  14. While husband is giving the Drano time to do it’s magic, commence doing other things to make your home a pleasant place. Like ironing curtains and tapestries. In a hot room. Did I mention you’ve been sweating all night at this point? Keep telling yourself “it will work. The Drano will fix everything. It will work. It has to work.”
  15. When the Drano doesn’t work, continue doing what you’re doing so you don’t lose your mind while husband again attempts to snake the drain.
  16. Try to ignore the smell coming from the bathroom when sewer water begins backing up. Heed your husband’s advice to stay out of the bathroom. Silently join him in his tirade of curse words.
  17. Be thankful that the previous owners installed a toilet in the basement.
  18. Stay up very late hanging newly ironed curtains and tapestries because your husband is also staying up very late losing his mind over the nightmare that has become your bathroom and you don’t really know what else to do with yourself.
  19. Accept that you will have to call a plumber in the morning.
  20. Also, accept that your husband is going to shower in the backyard with a hose (in his surf shorts, that is).
  21. Notice a lightening storm moving in while your husband is standing in a puddle of water in your yard. NOTE THE IRONY!
  22. Wash your face and brush your teeth in the kitchen sink (which still works fine).
  23. In the morning, grab a pitcher and a plastic tote and give yourself a shower with the aid of the utility sink in the basement. Marvel at your creativity. And at how clean you actually feel. Who needs a bath tub anyway?
  24. Call a plumber and resign yourself to the fact that he will not be able to come until the next day. As a BONUS, you’ve earned yourself ANOTHER utility sink shower! Good job!



One Comment to “How to lose sleep and earn yourself a shower in a utility sink”

  1. ohhh 😦 that sounds like a nightmare. good thing you’re such an inventive, resourceful lady.
    like we were talking last weekend, you have experience shaving your legs in the grass, so you’ll be fine!
    here’s hoping the plumber works his magic.

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